Post by Admin on Jan 4, 2007 10:47:08 GMT -8
Just thought I would start sharing some of the writing I do that isn't MxO related.
This story was published in the short lived, and now defunct, Und ven Vat magazine in California. It was mostly about animation and drawing but they carried some short stories as well. It's not my best work but it was the first one I found. I really need to work on organization. Due to my inability to make this board understand the concept of indentation I'm changing the format a little.
This story was published in thier third issue. It was concieved and written entirely within two hours.
Death at the Door
by TJ McQuarrie (2001)
It was weird. I don’t mean. Wow, that was weird. I mean ‘oh my god is that ever weird’. I guess I should start at the beginning. I woke up at sunrise. My first mistake. I’m against waking up when the sun does. I think people who do are deranged. Unless you’re a farmer, then it makes perfect sense. But I’m not a farmer; therefore, I have no reason to wake up when the sun does. But I did. So there I was sitting in just a pair of blue track pants, watching some Japanese cartoon and thinking about smoking a joint when I think I hear a light tapping at the front door.
I figure at this hour it’s one of two things. Somebody with religion, or the police. The police don’t lightly tap at the door, they tend to enjoy pounding on them and kicking them in instead, so it was somebody who found religion. I went back to watching the cartoon, which was not that entertaining. I don’t mind religion; I just don’t want it at my door at six in the morning. The tapping continued. I continued to ignore it.
After five minutes of constant tapping, like a less irritating version of the Chinese water torture, I had enough and turned the T.V. up loud enough to drown out the tapping. That’s when it happened.
Half of a skeleton wearing a dusty black leather cloak sticks its head through the solid oak door and looks straight at me with glowing red eye sockets. No eyes, just glowing sockets. I swear if it had eyebrows, one of them would have been raised as if in curiosity. I don’t know how I know that, but I do. The bony white creature surrounded by a leather cloak simply stepped through the door without ever bothering to open it. Completely stunned by this I didn’t know what to say.
“Uh, hi.” Was all I could come up with. I mean, what do you say to a skeleton with glowing eye sockets that just walked through your door. Get out?
“Hi.” It replied. Then it did the oddest thing. It reached into its cloak and pulled out a thick leather bound day planner, with ‘Day Planner’ printed on the front of it in golden letters. It flipped the book open deftly, looking briefly at the pages while scratching its skull with one bony finger.
“Can I help you?” I asked lamely.
“Is this fourteen twenty Harbour road?” It asked back, the creatures glowing eye sockets seeming to bore holes into my very soul.
“Uh, y-yeah.” To say I was a bit nervous would be like saying Pluto is a bit far from earth.
“Hmm. Are you John Askins?” It closed the leather bound day planner and put it back in a hidden pocket somewhere in the cloak.
“Who’s asking?” My mouth said those words for some reason without checking with my brain. It does that sometimes.
“Oh, sorry, I’m Death.” The freaky looking bleached white skeleton held out its bony hand to be shaken. I took it, not really wanting to offend whatever the hell this thing was. “Or rather, an agent of Death. Death is kind of busy these days, to many creatures and civilizations to look after in this universe for just one entity. Are you John Askins?”
“No?” I tried smiling a bit. Didn’t work.
“Seriously, are you him?”
“Yeah.” I sighed. This was it. I’m dead. Not much different than being alive.
“Odd. You should be dead. I was scheduled to take you back today.” The skeleton looked me up and down. “But you’re not.”
“Sorry?”
“Not your fault. Somebody obviously screwed up somewhere. You were supposed to die of an overdose.” The skeleton shrugged and suddenly walked over to sit down on the couch beside me. The thing started to sift through everything on the table. What? I’m going to stop it?
“Never heard of anyone overdosing on pot. Care to smoke a joint?” I smiled charmingly. Hey, if the big D shows up I’m at least going to be hospitable. Wouldn’t you?
“That’s all you do? Damn. No wonder. The file said cocaine overdose.” It actually sighed and slumped a little to hold it’s bony head in its hands.
“Man, I gave that garbage up years ago. Waste of time and money.” I finished rolling the joint with shaky fingers. I immediately lit it of course, even though my trembling hands took three tries to light the Zippo.
“That’s good to hear, but now I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” It almost seemed to be having a nervous breakdown.
“I don’t understand.” Really, I didn’t.
“Well, this has never happened before. We show up, talk to the dead for a while and then take them back for processing by Death. It’s all relatively simple. But you can obviously see me, which means one of us is in a very bad position.” It sat back and stared at the ceiling.
“Hey, I can keep a secret if you can.” I started rolling another joint as I puffed on the one in my mouth. None of this sounded any good and I figured what the hell, might as well make myself incoherent.
“It’s not that simple. I’m supposed to come back with a soul. If I don’t people will ask questions. Which means I either have to find a lost soul to take back, or take you back.” Again, I got the impression that it raised an eyebrow as it looked at me, but the damn thing didn’t have eyebrows. It was getting on my nerves.
“I see two problems with that. One, you said I’m supposed to be dead, but I’m not and therefore it’s simply a matter of a mistake in the books. Two, what happens when I die if you take a lost soul?” After my question and a long drag on the joint, I offered it to the skeleton.
“No thanks, stuff does nothing for me. No lungs. What would happen to you is that you wouldn’t die.” This didn’t seem to faze the creature in the slightest.
“Excuse me?”
“You wouldn’t die. Immortality. It’s a really simple concept.” It sat there on my couch, in the classic thinking mans posture with its chin resting on its bony hand.
“So I’d just age and age and age until I’m a little pile of withered up bones crawling around?” I thought it a reasonable question. I’ve read a few books here and there.
“Oh no, of course not. You would be immortal, never dying, never aging. Ever. For any reason. You would be incapable of it. Even if you were crushed down to your component atoms and even smaller, you would still live and eventually heal.” The skeleton seemed distracted with thought.
“That would suck.” It was the best I could come up with. My brain was not working on this day. That whole getting up with the sun bit.
“Yes, creation is a bitch. But things could be worse. I think I can pull this off, since I’m your collector nobody else is going to know. Maybe.” The skeleton seemed to be smiling, but then, skeletons always seem to be smiling.
“Hold on a minute now, since you’re death, excuse me, an agent of death, don’t you have a higher power to answer to?” I asked. When a skeleton shows up at your door and offers you immortality, you really need to wonder what God would think of that. At least I do. “I don’t feel like being involved in something God wouldn’t like. Call me crazy.”
“You think the creator has time for one little mortal?” It laughed. Not a pleasant sight at all.
“You think the creator wouldn’t notice something odd?” I replied, blowing smoke at the skeleton to punctuate my point. I must be insane.
“You’re an irritating little puke aren’t you?” The skeleton stared at me with its glowing red eye sockets. “Maybe I’ll just take you anyway, let them figure it out, end of problem. For me. Not for you.”
“And how are you going to explain my death to the mighty one? I don’t do cocaine and yet your little book there said I died from that. That’s a little odd don’t you think?”
The skeleton stood up suddenly and started pacing back and forth in my living room. It’s times like this that I wish I had a camera. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I didn’t like any of it and the sooner this skeleton, real or delusional, was gone the happier I’d be. Watching this thing walk back and forth in thought was fascinating. Nothing held the bones together, yet it moved as if it was wearing flesh.
“It seems to me that the easiest thing to do is get hold of your boss or whatever and sort the whole thing out while I hang out here. It’s not like you can’t find me again, right?” I was trying to just make it go away, didn’t really care how.
“Nope, we don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. This would be the perfect excuse to fry my butt.” The skeleton replied, distracted in thought. This was getting weirder and weirder.
“Huh? What’s the big deal about checking with the higher ups when you have a problem?” I asked.
“You wouldn’t understand.” The skeleton went back to pacing back and forth.
“Oh right, I’m just a stupid mortal.”
“Yes exactly.” It stopped pacing for a minute and stared at me. “Okay, here’s the deal. I’ve been demoted a couple times because I’m unlucky. Take today for example. Next stop is becoming mortal and that’s the last thing I want. One more mistake, error, or screw up and I’m out of the immortal club. I like being immortal. I don’t want to be like you mortals with your petty little concerns.”
“Uh huh.”
“So now I have to fix this, and the only way to fix this is either let you live or make you die of a drug overdose.”
“Sounds like a no win situation for you.” I smiled at the skeleton.
“What do you mean?” The skeleton actually looked confused. “You’re the one who’s going to die.”
“Nope, sorry. Think about it. On the one hand, if I live then somebody will eventually notice that my spirit isn’t in the realm of the dead or whatever and on the other hand if you kill me somebody will notice that my spirit isn’t here and my body died of an overdose of a drug I don’t use. Which will raise questions.” I had no idea what I was talking about but when you know the other guy has four kings, you might as well bluff that you have four aces. The skeleton looked thoughtful so I continued. “Don’t you find this whole situation odd? You say yourself that I should be dead, yet I’m not. You’ll be in trouble no matter what you do. It’s a no win situation for you my friend. You know I’m not capable of doing all this, I’m just a mortal, so who does that leave?”
“You may be right.” The skeleton looked concerned, scratching its chin with one bony finger. “In fact, I think you are. I’m being set up. But by who?”
“Maybe God?” I remarked jokingly.
The skeleton stared at me for a long time and then he just disappeared. I don’t mean in a cloud of smoke or faded away. One second it was there, the next it wasn’t. I sat on the couch for a long time after that but it hasn’t come back. Yet. I’m hoping it won’t, but I’m also a realist. Somehow I’m involved in that creatures problems and that creature will want to solve its problems. I’ll just make sure I’m not home. I hear California is a good place to visit and they’re fairly nice to insane people. At least I hope I’m insane. If I’m not, this universe is one messed up place.
This story was published in the short lived, and now defunct, Und ven Vat magazine in California. It was mostly about animation and drawing but they carried some short stories as well. It's not my best work but it was the first one I found. I really need to work on organization. Due to my inability to make this board understand the concept of indentation I'm changing the format a little.
This story was published in thier third issue. It was concieved and written entirely within two hours.
Death at the Door
by TJ McQuarrie (2001)
It was weird. I don’t mean. Wow, that was weird. I mean ‘oh my god is that ever weird’. I guess I should start at the beginning. I woke up at sunrise. My first mistake. I’m against waking up when the sun does. I think people who do are deranged. Unless you’re a farmer, then it makes perfect sense. But I’m not a farmer; therefore, I have no reason to wake up when the sun does. But I did. So there I was sitting in just a pair of blue track pants, watching some Japanese cartoon and thinking about smoking a joint when I think I hear a light tapping at the front door.
I figure at this hour it’s one of two things. Somebody with religion, or the police. The police don’t lightly tap at the door, they tend to enjoy pounding on them and kicking them in instead, so it was somebody who found religion. I went back to watching the cartoon, which was not that entertaining. I don’t mind religion; I just don’t want it at my door at six in the morning. The tapping continued. I continued to ignore it.
After five minutes of constant tapping, like a less irritating version of the Chinese water torture, I had enough and turned the T.V. up loud enough to drown out the tapping. That’s when it happened.
Half of a skeleton wearing a dusty black leather cloak sticks its head through the solid oak door and looks straight at me with glowing red eye sockets. No eyes, just glowing sockets. I swear if it had eyebrows, one of them would have been raised as if in curiosity. I don’t know how I know that, but I do. The bony white creature surrounded by a leather cloak simply stepped through the door without ever bothering to open it. Completely stunned by this I didn’t know what to say.
“Uh, hi.” Was all I could come up with. I mean, what do you say to a skeleton with glowing eye sockets that just walked through your door. Get out?
“Hi.” It replied. Then it did the oddest thing. It reached into its cloak and pulled out a thick leather bound day planner, with ‘Day Planner’ printed on the front of it in golden letters. It flipped the book open deftly, looking briefly at the pages while scratching its skull with one bony finger.
“Can I help you?” I asked lamely.
“Is this fourteen twenty Harbour road?” It asked back, the creatures glowing eye sockets seeming to bore holes into my very soul.
“Uh, y-yeah.” To say I was a bit nervous would be like saying Pluto is a bit far from earth.
“Hmm. Are you John Askins?” It closed the leather bound day planner and put it back in a hidden pocket somewhere in the cloak.
“Who’s asking?” My mouth said those words for some reason without checking with my brain. It does that sometimes.
“Oh, sorry, I’m Death.” The freaky looking bleached white skeleton held out its bony hand to be shaken. I took it, not really wanting to offend whatever the hell this thing was. “Or rather, an agent of Death. Death is kind of busy these days, to many creatures and civilizations to look after in this universe for just one entity. Are you John Askins?”
“No?” I tried smiling a bit. Didn’t work.
“Seriously, are you him?”
“Yeah.” I sighed. This was it. I’m dead. Not much different than being alive.
“Odd. You should be dead. I was scheduled to take you back today.” The skeleton looked me up and down. “But you’re not.”
“Sorry?”
“Not your fault. Somebody obviously screwed up somewhere. You were supposed to die of an overdose.” The skeleton shrugged and suddenly walked over to sit down on the couch beside me. The thing started to sift through everything on the table. What? I’m going to stop it?
“Never heard of anyone overdosing on pot. Care to smoke a joint?” I smiled charmingly. Hey, if the big D shows up I’m at least going to be hospitable. Wouldn’t you?
“That’s all you do? Damn. No wonder. The file said cocaine overdose.” It actually sighed and slumped a little to hold it’s bony head in its hands.
“Man, I gave that garbage up years ago. Waste of time and money.” I finished rolling the joint with shaky fingers. I immediately lit it of course, even though my trembling hands took three tries to light the Zippo.
“That’s good to hear, but now I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” It almost seemed to be having a nervous breakdown.
“I don’t understand.” Really, I didn’t.
“Well, this has never happened before. We show up, talk to the dead for a while and then take them back for processing by Death. It’s all relatively simple. But you can obviously see me, which means one of us is in a very bad position.” It sat back and stared at the ceiling.
“Hey, I can keep a secret if you can.” I started rolling another joint as I puffed on the one in my mouth. None of this sounded any good and I figured what the hell, might as well make myself incoherent.
“It’s not that simple. I’m supposed to come back with a soul. If I don’t people will ask questions. Which means I either have to find a lost soul to take back, or take you back.” Again, I got the impression that it raised an eyebrow as it looked at me, but the damn thing didn’t have eyebrows. It was getting on my nerves.
“I see two problems with that. One, you said I’m supposed to be dead, but I’m not and therefore it’s simply a matter of a mistake in the books. Two, what happens when I die if you take a lost soul?” After my question and a long drag on the joint, I offered it to the skeleton.
“No thanks, stuff does nothing for me. No lungs. What would happen to you is that you wouldn’t die.” This didn’t seem to faze the creature in the slightest.
“Excuse me?”
“You wouldn’t die. Immortality. It’s a really simple concept.” It sat there on my couch, in the classic thinking mans posture with its chin resting on its bony hand.
“So I’d just age and age and age until I’m a little pile of withered up bones crawling around?” I thought it a reasonable question. I’ve read a few books here and there.
“Oh no, of course not. You would be immortal, never dying, never aging. Ever. For any reason. You would be incapable of it. Even if you were crushed down to your component atoms and even smaller, you would still live and eventually heal.” The skeleton seemed distracted with thought.
“That would suck.” It was the best I could come up with. My brain was not working on this day. That whole getting up with the sun bit.
“Yes, creation is a bitch. But things could be worse. I think I can pull this off, since I’m your collector nobody else is going to know. Maybe.” The skeleton seemed to be smiling, but then, skeletons always seem to be smiling.
“Hold on a minute now, since you’re death, excuse me, an agent of death, don’t you have a higher power to answer to?” I asked. When a skeleton shows up at your door and offers you immortality, you really need to wonder what God would think of that. At least I do. “I don’t feel like being involved in something God wouldn’t like. Call me crazy.”
“You think the creator has time for one little mortal?” It laughed. Not a pleasant sight at all.
“You think the creator wouldn’t notice something odd?” I replied, blowing smoke at the skeleton to punctuate my point. I must be insane.
“You’re an irritating little puke aren’t you?” The skeleton stared at me with its glowing red eye sockets. “Maybe I’ll just take you anyway, let them figure it out, end of problem. For me. Not for you.”
“And how are you going to explain my death to the mighty one? I don’t do cocaine and yet your little book there said I died from that. That’s a little odd don’t you think?”
The skeleton stood up suddenly and started pacing back and forth in my living room. It’s times like this that I wish I had a camera. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I didn’t like any of it and the sooner this skeleton, real or delusional, was gone the happier I’d be. Watching this thing walk back and forth in thought was fascinating. Nothing held the bones together, yet it moved as if it was wearing flesh.
“It seems to me that the easiest thing to do is get hold of your boss or whatever and sort the whole thing out while I hang out here. It’s not like you can’t find me again, right?” I was trying to just make it go away, didn’t really care how.
“Nope, we don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. This would be the perfect excuse to fry my butt.” The skeleton replied, distracted in thought. This was getting weirder and weirder.
“Huh? What’s the big deal about checking with the higher ups when you have a problem?” I asked.
“You wouldn’t understand.” The skeleton went back to pacing back and forth.
“Oh right, I’m just a stupid mortal.”
“Yes exactly.” It stopped pacing for a minute and stared at me. “Okay, here’s the deal. I’ve been demoted a couple times because I’m unlucky. Take today for example. Next stop is becoming mortal and that’s the last thing I want. One more mistake, error, or screw up and I’m out of the immortal club. I like being immortal. I don’t want to be like you mortals with your petty little concerns.”
“Uh huh.”
“So now I have to fix this, and the only way to fix this is either let you live or make you die of a drug overdose.”
“Sounds like a no win situation for you.” I smiled at the skeleton.
“What do you mean?” The skeleton actually looked confused. “You’re the one who’s going to die.”
“Nope, sorry. Think about it. On the one hand, if I live then somebody will eventually notice that my spirit isn’t in the realm of the dead or whatever and on the other hand if you kill me somebody will notice that my spirit isn’t here and my body died of an overdose of a drug I don’t use. Which will raise questions.” I had no idea what I was talking about but when you know the other guy has four kings, you might as well bluff that you have four aces. The skeleton looked thoughtful so I continued. “Don’t you find this whole situation odd? You say yourself that I should be dead, yet I’m not. You’ll be in trouble no matter what you do. It’s a no win situation for you my friend. You know I’m not capable of doing all this, I’m just a mortal, so who does that leave?”
“You may be right.” The skeleton looked concerned, scratching its chin with one bony finger. “In fact, I think you are. I’m being set up. But by who?”
“Maybe God?” I remarked jokingly.
The skeleton stared at me for a long time and then he just disappeared. I don’t mean in a cloud of smoke or faded away. One second it was there, the next it wasn’t. I sat on the couch for a long time after that but it hasn’t come back. Yet. I’m hoping it won’t, but I’m also a realist. Somehow I’m involved in that creatures problems and that creature will want to solve its problems. I’ll just make sure I’m not home. I hear California is a good place to visit and they’re fairly nice to insane people. At least I hope I’m insane. If I’m not, this universe is one messed up place.